Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Missing things you never had
I lay in my bed, listening to the night sounds. It seems my neighbor kids are running a marathon up the stairs, somebody honks a horn. My dog growls at the night. I listen to my breathing…The smoke alarm tells me again I need to change the battery. The boiler starts again. I drum my fingers at my forehead. Rho is always telling me I need to describe better, with description I can reach those 50000 words. I sneeze. Scratch one side of my head. I wonder. My toes are numb. I have to describe better, she says. My room is blue, like the sky in my country. The sky in here is gray. I hanged curtains a couple of months ago they don’t block the sunlight completely, that is the best alarm in the world. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day and I still don’t know if I’m going to a couple of invitations I received. Looking back I don’t remember a single Thanksgiving Day with my mom and dad. I know they celebrated it because I have a picture of my dad pointing to a turkey with a knife in his hand. He looks happy, at least in the picture. I wonder if he is having turkey tomorrow or if he is grateful for his life. Oh, I just remembered, he is a Jehovah Witness now so he doesn’t celebrate the Holidays. I’m sure my mom is having turkey at lunch. Her husband likes to cook so she will only wash the dishes. My relationship with her is kind of stranded but I remember with kindness the last time I saw her. She cooked pork chops for me and she was very proud I enjoyed them. What is this I’m feeling right now?…Yes is a very recurrent nostalgia, missing those things that I never had.