Magnificent

To Fia Marie and Lauren Maynard…and to myself.

Courage doesn't always roar,
sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying:
"i will try again tomorrow".
-Mary Ann Radmacher

What do you see when you look at me?
Yes, you may see a broken soul,
a deep spiral of madness and hurt,
my countless suicide attempts,
my hospital tags,
the cuts in my legs and arms,
my rampant rage,
my clinginess.

Yes, I’m all that...and more
It's true I fall deep,
that I have moments in which I lose sight of the light,
moments when hope doesn’t fill my fathomless void.
It’s true I have fallen to the ground,
I wounded my knees,
I swallowed stones and dirt.
I had been beaten, rejected,
cursed.

Certainly I lost many battles
buteven crawling I keep moving,
even if today I seriously thought about quitting…I didn’t,
I’m still here.

I may fall,
hard and deep,
but most people won’t come back,
to glue the pieces together
and be proud of the cracks.
I fall down,
but I come back in majestic ways.
Most people get burned in hell.
I went there and came back.
in one whole piece.
So next time you are unable to define me,
look in the dictionary,
you will find me under magnificent.